Being Away Has Hurt My Family
Deployments are hard. Long distance relationships are hard. Letting go control of your life is hard. Long distance can break relationships. I’ve seen too many people get divorced while on deployment or when they get back. Survival is key.
Both Zach and I thought of this separation as a chance to get ahead in life. Save some money, focus on career goals, and come back better than ever. That was the hope. But the reality was much different.
Mine and Zach’s relationship started out as a long distance relationship. In some ways that makes being apart easier because we know we can do it. But in other ways, it just kills us to be away from each other. We’ve been together for over three years now, and most of that time has been long distance.
One of the hardest parts of being gone has been losing control. I didn’t realize how much of a control freak I was until I left. I was constantly bugging Zach about a different thing each month. Stuff I knew he would take care of, but I just couldn’t let go. It turned me into a helicopter husband and hurt our conversations. It made Zach think I didn’t trust him and filled me with anxiety at the loss of control.
But the hardest part of being gone was that it hurt my family. Zach was going through some personal issues before I left. Bronson kept on getting sicker. And I wasn’t able to be there for them. I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for my husband during some of the worst moments of his life.
Before I had left Bronson and I had developed a unique relationship. At first he didn’t trust me--especially around Zach--but he learned to love me over time. I remember I would wake up early on the weekends and take the dogs out. It's always been a sort of quality time for us. A little piece of the morning that was just ours. We would always end up cuddling on the couch until Zach came into the living room. Then Bronson would pretend he hadn’t been cuddling with me at all. Though we all knew he was a liar. I’ll never forgive myself for not being able to say goodbye to Bronson.
I am my husband’s support system. And he had to go through this without me. I love my job. I love having the chance to serve my country. But I also hate hurting my family by being away.
Distance can hurt us. Distance can minimize us. So make every effort to be there for the people you love. Don’t let distance drive a wedge between you and your loved ones.
